Things I Never Did Before I Was A Dad

• I never felt like the hero of the world when I came home from work and a toddler squealed, "Daddy!"
• I never felt like the dregs of humanity after making that same toddler cry an hour later because I insisted that she put her diaper back on.
• I never struggled to maintain a straight face as a toddler's pouty lip pokes out when I later insist she stop taking her jammies off.
• I never had a boy call me and excitedly exclaim, "Dad, I made soup!"
• I never listened to the sounds of the night and wondered how I'd protect my family if one of those sounds came from an intruder.
• I never felt the sort of love that comes when my small child gives me a hug and says, "I ub you".
• I never found pacifiers, plastic animals or fruit snacks in the cushions of my couch, car or bed.
• I never bought so many band-aids, most of which will never cover a legitimate wound.
• I never knew how much worry a parent feels for children, even when they're young and healthy.
• I never removed slivers from so many little hands and feet.
• I never understood why children behave poorly in public. I still don't understand it but I'm now pretty sure it's not entirely the parents fault.
• I never wondered how to get Silly Putty out of carpet it had oozed into.
• I never held a sick child in my arms and prayed for them to feel better so we can both get some sleep.
• I never sent a child to his room.
• I never knew how a parent knows what to say to a child who has been sent to his room.
• I never knew how much of parenting is just making it up as you go along.
• I never held a slimy, sticky, gory, precious, newly born infant.
• I never knew how much debris a child leaves behind when merely passing through a room, yard, or vehicle.
• I never sat through a music recital with my heart bursting with pride and joy.
• I never had "There was an old woman who swallowed a fly" going through my head during a meeting at work.
• I never pinched so many noses, tummies and toes.
• I never read so many books out loud.
• I never caught so many crawdads, frogs, tadpoles and slugs.
• I never caught so many colds.
• I never shared so many bites of so many sandwiches.
• I never knew that dads like onions and spicy things so they don't have to share everything on their plate.
• I never wondered about the most appropriate response to the most inappropriate questions.
• I never knew how much time it takes to be a parent.
• I never felt such empathy for my own parents.
• I never gave and received so much love.